So I ran into a bum... - blog by Makbawehuh

 


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So I ran into a bum...
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Posted 18-Nov-2010 at 06:41 AM (06:41) by Makbawehuh
Updated 18-Nov-2010 at 06:49 AM (06:49) by Makbawehuh

A bum stopped and said hello to me tonight.

And I was like, "Hello" *smiles, nods* And ...I think I asked how he was. Pretty innocuous question, I would think

And he was like "I would be better if I had a warm place to live."

So I asked him (I felt quite logically) why he didn't go to the shelter in town, since they're there to help him, at which point he started bitching that his hip was bad and it was across town

I told him I was sorry, and told him I'd drive him down there, but I don't have a car (tiny lie, I have one and can't drive it), and then he was like "It's okay. Do you have any money to help me out?"

Mind you, the guy reeked of alcohol. Okay, I have almost *no* sense of smell. It's been commented on and joked about and once had me working in a store where there was a dead rat or something in the walls because I was the only one who could not smell it well enough to bitch.

And he REEKED of alcohol.

If he reeked of alcohol to me, I can't imagine how bad it actually was.

And I honestly don't carry cash very often, so I was like, "Sorry, I don't have any money."

At this point I became keenly aware that I was standing on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road, and it'd just take one good push to kill me. Somehow in the next few seconds, I managed to have at least five distinct paranoid fantasies about being pushed into traffic by this bum.

So he said... "Okay, well, next time you pass by, could you get some for me?"

And all I could think was "That's fucking balls." with a hint of "Oh god, he's going to kill me."

So I was like *stares* "Maybe." *flat tone, obviously meaning HELL NO*

And then I left, 'cause standing there between the bum and the road was freaking me the fuck out. I don't know what I'd have done if it kept up.

Addendum: The thought "OH GODS, he's gonna kill me and take my iPod to sell at the pawnshop!" passed through my head at one point. Which was immediately followed by a very vivid image of my poor broken body being splattered all over by a light blue car in broad daylight. I don't know why it was broad daylight, considering the fact that all this happened in the dark. Curiously, in the fantasy, my iPod was totally undamaged even though I got hit on the side I keep my iPod on.

Because two tons of steel and plastic will crush a human body, but not an iPod. Hellno.
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  1. Old Comment
    Gurdur's Avatar
    Man. Dude. I need to tell some funny stories.
    Posted 18-Nov-2010 at 06:50 AM (06:50) by Gurdur Gurdur is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Makbawehuh's Avatar
    Yes, yes you do.

    Thank goodness I can laugh at this now. At the time I was in a near panic because I was talking to him and the cars were whizzing past behind me... I don't even like having my back to an open door or window, let alone an open -road-.
    Posted 18-Nov-2010 at 07:01 AM (07:01) by Makbawehuh Makbawehuh is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Gurdur's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Makbawehuh View Comment
    Yes, yes you do.

    Thank goodness I can laugh at this now. At the time I was in a near panic because I was talking to him and the cars were whizzing past behind me... I don't even like having my back to an open door or window, let alone an open -road-.
    Sometimes I get in trouble for my brusque, unworried attitude. I once achieved instant fame of a sort on a board for posting, "They should stop making such a fuss about being blown up. If you survive well being blown up, you get over it. I've been blown up, I got over it".

    For some reason people thought I was posing with the blasé stuff; but it was simply a very annoyed remark I made on the spur of the moment, and it was quite true, I have been blown up and gotten over it. Naturally, it wasn't too bloody bad, but I was blown right off my feet, half my hair on head burnt off, that kind of thing.

    Once knew a bloke who got blown up and away 200 feet through a shaft. He survived amazingly enough without any harm, but he was kinda legless with shock for a fair while.
    Posted 18-Nov-2010 at 07:09 AM (07:09) by Gurdur Gurdur is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Makbawehuh's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Gurdur View Comment
    Sometimes I get in trouble for my brusque, unworried attitude. I once achieved instant fame of a sort on a board for posting, "They should stop making such a fuss about being blown up. If you survive well being blown up, you get over it. I've been blown up, I got over it".

    For some reason people thought I was posing with the blasé stuff; but it was simply a very annoyed remark I made on the spur of the moment, and it was quite true, I have been blown up and gotten over it. Naturally, it wasn't too bloody bad, but I was blown right off my feet, half my hair on head burnt off, that kind of thing.
    Well, you know, when most people think "blown up", they probably don't think of it as something survivable. That sort of attitude doesn't bother me, since it mostly mirrors my own... Though obviously, I haven't been blown up. :P

    I just picked this one odd moment to dive off the deep end into paranoid fantasy. I was over it long before I got my hamburger, and by the time I was consuming my curly fries with gusto I was giggling at the idea that a car could kill me in my fantasies, but somehow my iPod would still be worth something at the pawn shop. I started to analyze this, then realised I might be taking it overboard and let myself laugh.

    Quote:
    Once knew a bloke who got blown up and away 200 feet through a shaft. He survived amazingly enough without any harm, but he was kinda legless with shock for a fair while.
    One would think! I'm glad he was okay.
    Posted 18-Nov-2010 at 07:33 AM (07:33) by Makbawehuh Makbawehuh is offline
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